Oh joy!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 at 10:58 pm 3 comments

Hey all-

So right when I think I’m doing great, I have others reminding me that I do indeed have a large task ahead of me. Isn’t that great? Yes, I was brain-injured. Yes, I have a few problems, which I’ll go into detail in a little bit. But! I try to look at the positives of every situation, just like I used to. So, as my parents have been trying to get it across to me, I shouldn’t just write about what’s happy in my life right now on here. I should be more honest with you all, and let you know that there are still obstacles ahead. After all, that’s what I’m being told by therapists. And by everyone around me! Yay is right!

So what’s wrong with me at this moment? I’ll surely tell you, after all, I won’t lie. In fact, I can’t really lie if I want to! I would never call that a problem though. I’d call it more of a happy thing. If you were there when I was in moss rehab as an inpatient, you might remember me kicking you out and saying that visiting hours ended at 7:30pm. You all knew I was lying to you, and for that I am very sorry. I think it’s just funny.

Anyway, back to what’s wrong with me. Well, first and foremost, I’m having lots of problems with memory. If I talk to you in person, I might not remember what we talked about unless I give myself a note of it. I also ( if I haven’t already talked to you ) can’t remember many events (and random they are) from the past year. It bothers me when we’ll be talking about something I did with you, and I have no recollection of it. I sooo want to! Also, my learning is a little slower. So, if i’m learning how to make a new watch ( as I had been learning prior to the accident ) it will take me longer than it used to. This, as I’ve read, could be due to trace levels of fatigue. Brain-injured persons tend to get fatigued much easier. I say, screw that. I will still ride centuries, and win tour de frances. Seriously, we’ll have to see!

Another problem I have is with waking up very early. Many brain-injured people have worse sleep problems than me, but I’d be curious to hear what docs have to say about me consistently waking up so darn early! I wake up at 6am or earlier every day. Time goes so slow as well, because I have nothing to do with my time. I’m not allowed to do so many of my old hobbies. No tools, no riding, no swordfights (just kidding, I never did those!)~

Mainly, I get very frustrated by not being allowed to be as independent as I used to be. I mean really, people might as well help me take pees because thats how much it seems people are watching me. And at rehab, they’re so conservative there. I’ve been considering asking them if I’m allowed to take the train by myself into philly so I can meet a friend or work on stuff for the cycling team, but I’ve really been thinking that there’s no way in hell they’ll even say they’ll think about it. They’re so darn worried about my safety that I don’t think they care about how much I was able to do and did every day before my accident. Many of which, I remember just fine and could do with no problem. But, I know that I damaged a part of my brain that is responsible for knowing whether you’re normal. So, often people who have damaged it will think they’re better, when they’re not. This may be the case with me, but what it means is that anyone at rehab won’t listen to a word I have to say. Anything!

Hmm, I think that’s it for now. I’m done being negative. And halfway thru righting this, I got happy again, because I started talking to some friends on IM. So go figure. I suck at negativity. Unless- you say something else negative to me! So yeah.

Yes, you can tell that I am rather good at writing, despite my brain injury. I don’t know how to explain that. All I know is that I try very VERY hard to do things the way I used to. So, although it may take time, I can get back to normal, just like I used to be. and yes, you all know that never in my life have I been normal. So that presents a question still… When to decide I’m normal? This will be many many months from now. The brain-injured people I talk to say you never get back to the way you used to be. You become a new person! I think they’re right, but still. I want to be my self. You know?

okay, enough blabbing on for now. I hope I’ve made you all happy, because I’m being more honest now. Well, thanks for reading!

PS: read all about the beef and beer! I Want to see you there!


Entry filed under: update.

Reminder: Beef & Beer fundraiser dinner is this saturday! My beef and beer speech

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Haroon Ahmad  |  Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 1:30 am

    yeah you will win the tour de france! and yes there are still many obstacles for you but you are well on your way to completing them. see you on saturday!

    i also posted the directions in the comment for the beef and beer info just as you asked. everyone in need of directions/train info should check it out.

  • 2. Kristin Imhoff  |  Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 8:49 am

    you weren’t kidding when you said last night you were posting a long one lol

  • 3. DBs  |  Friday, August 18, 2006 at 2:01 pm

    hehe thats our doug! ill fly to france and cheer you on in the victory circle. cya tomorrow


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